Needs Cleaned

I have to update Neighbor’s Facebook because he does not know how.

He uses it to “network,” apparently, so I go through and add people who have friend-requested him and post links to the real estate blog I write on his behalf. 

Have you ever read the newsfeed of a 60+year-old with 60+year-old friends?

The levels of rabid political propaganda, ~inspirational quotes~ in copy-pasted statuses and complete technological ineptitude are astonishing.

Just.

Why.

Allow me to present me reaction as I scroll down the page.

Dear Neighbor,

No. Your co-workers are probably not conspiring to steal your copier code and use all your colored ink. If you were any older I’d be surprised you weren’t blaming the Communists.

Got invited to the office’s Christmas party.

I am at least three decades younger than everybody else in the building and not even really an employee, but I suppose anyone can be accepted into the tribe if they fix enough smartphones. 

Dear Neighbor,

Likewise, I do not believe that vitamins are an effective substitute for food. Even if that food is just gonna be Dannon Coffee Yogurt anyway.

Dear Neighbor,

I don’t believe that meal-replacement smoothies are meant to replace all your meals.